CHILD FREE PEOPLE. LEAVE THEM ALONE.
10 Things You Should Stop Saying to Childfree people
Nov 7
Every childfree woman or person has heard it. The backhanded comments, the guilt trips disguised as “concern,” the relentless insistence that her life is incomplete without children. It’s wild how confidently people will question your happiness, your love, and your purpose simply because you chose not to reproduce.
So, consider this my public service announcement — or maybe my therapy session in writing. Here are 10 things you should stop saying to childfree women, and what we’re really thinking when we hear them. Spoiler: it’s not what you expect.
#1 - “you’ll change your mind some day.”
So what you’re really saying is that you don’t take my choices or my autonomy seriously. Now, imagine if we flipped the script: someone tells us they’re pregnant, and we respond with, “Well, you’ll change your mind about being happy once you realize how much work it is raising a kid.”
Sounds ridiculous — and incredibly rude, right?
I celebrate my friends’ wanted pregnancies and their parenting milestones, because their choices deserve respect, and I’m genuinely happy when my friends are happy. But our choices deserve respect too. Yes, humans change their minds all the time. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t (look I already know I won’t but for the sake of argument…). Either way, that’s a future-me problem. And most importantly? It’s none of your goddamn business.
#2 - “Who is going to take care of you when you’re old?”
My fat-ass brokerage account, my retirement contributions, the estate attorneys I hire, and the senior life planning I’ve set up. That means things like long-term care insurance, advance healthcare directives, hiring in-home caregivers, senior living communities, and having a solid financial advisor in my corner. You know what I’m not doing? Forcing kids into existence just so they can wipe my ass when I’m 85.
And seriously though, what is with this question? Even if I had children in some alternate universe, there’s no way I’d dump my end-of-life care on them. They’d have their own lives, and I’d respect the hell out of that. They don’t owe me anything just because I chose to have them. I would be the parent; they would be the child. They don’t need to take care of me — they need to take care of themselves and their own families, if they choose to have them. Because unlike what this question implies, I’m not trying to reproduce a future caretaker and call it “family.”
And really, any parents reading this: please, plan for your own future. Even if your kids are capable of helping, it shouldn’t be their primary responsibility. They didn’t sign up to be born so they could take care of you. You chose to have them, to care for them, to give them a good life. So return the favor: make sure you’ve planned for yours. Let your kids focus on living their own.