Powerful advice! I am sharing this with every woman I know. I encourage you to do likewise.

When to cut ties with family members and stop normalizing toxic behavior. Three tips to self-care

It's never easy to cut someone out of your life. And when it comes to family, it is particularly difficult to accept that family members can create so much stress, anxiety and pain that you can't keep a relationship with them.

Here are some behaviors you see in toxic people Lying Blaming Criticizing Manipulating Overreacting Invalidating or ignoring your feelings Creating drama or crises Gaslighting (a powerful form of manipulation that makes you doubt your perception of whats going on) Refusing to compromise Yelling, cursing, or calling you names Belittling your values, beliefs, choices Gossiping or speaking ill of you behind your back Playing the victim Not taking responsibility for their own behavior Refusing to apologize, and if they do, it's shallow, coerced, or fake

People can change, but toxic people rarely do. They lack self-confidence and take no responsibility for their actions. And because they do not see how their behavior hurts you, they refuse to change. Instead, they blame you and expect you to meet their demands.

Toxic behavior can also be passive aggressive by posting memes and quotes. For example, I recently saw a quote that said it is "It is very sad when family members stop speaking to each other. The day will come when they will regret it. That day is called a funeral." While this holds some truth, this is not true for all families. Particularly for those who have to deal with toxic family members, and if you do not see it in this light or perspective, you normalize toxic family culture.

Everyone has every right to separate themselves from toxic circumstances, and as a family member, it does not give you a free pass to do so. It can also become more complex when you are dealing with those who are struggling with addictions.

When we normalize or treat toxic behavior as if it were typical, we imply it is acceptable. We suggest to people who are subject to toxic behavior from their friends or family, it is common and therefore not a big deal.

Normalizing it can make victims of emotional abuse feel invalidated, and ultimately makes for a toxic culture of individuals who are entertained by such behaviors, instead of being respectful to those who choose not to speak with family who do not treat them the way they deserve to be treated. Period

And Lastly, Family dynamics can be tricky. We know, after all, that no family is perfect. Family relationships can be some of the best support systems, but they can also be difficult and harmful if you’re dealing with toxic family members.

When you’ve committed to living a life of radical self-love, having strategies for how to respond to and even heal your toxic family relationships is imperative. Here are a few ways to pursue just that — and center your own emotional well-being in the process.

1. Get Clear

Reflect on your relationships with family. Are all your familial relationships toxic, or is it a mix of healthy and unhealthy? What is working and what isn’t?

Take time to take stock of how these family members are treating you and how you are treating them. Have you allowed this behavior for a long time, or it is a newer development? If it is new, can you pinpoint what has changed? You could journal about it or speak to a friend. You could also discuss these relationships with a therapist if it would be helpful to have an unbiased professional’s input.

2. Boundaries

Boundaries are the loving guidelines and allowances we put out in the world and into our relationships to keep ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally safe and healthy. While boundaries can seem threatening to a toxic person, they protect you from the criticisms and demands of someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

3.. Start over

One of the most beautiful realizations is we are capable of building our own family with people who are not toxic and who love us in healthy ways. Letting go can also mean moving on. We are ingrained to try to stay and deal with toxic behavior because we’re conditioned to not “leave” family. “Blood is thicker than water” and other familial clichés lead us to ignore and accept toxic behavior for years or lifetimes.

Melissa Krolick,

BSW, Mental health professional, Author, CEO of MK coaching and Behavior specialist Forensic Secure Rehabilitation Unit B (Unit 3-3rd floor) Complex Care and Recovery Program Centre for Addiction and Mental Health