Kate—not her real name—had her story splashed across newspapers, and the person who abused her is dead, but she still prefers to use a pseudonym here. There is always some level of anonymity in survivors—despite her desire to speak out, tell her story and help others, Kate is still wary of judgment and scrutiny. It is a projection, perhaps, of the way she still sometimes blames herself.
Be these women. Happy
“I always had gut feelings that something wasn’t right in our relationship but I didn’t listen,” she says. Maybe, she reflects, if she didn’t go back to their house that evening when he was there, none of this would have happened.
“He wasn’t abusive before that night,” she says.
The night he shot her seven times.
“Well, mentally, yes. But not physically.”
‘It Felt Like It Went Bad Fast’
Kate met him five years ago when she was 34. It had been six months since her divorce was finalized, ending a 15-year marriage. Kate was ready to meet someone new.
“I thought, ‘Oh, it’ll be fun to try online dating,’” she remembers.
She says he was nice at first, but red flags popped up almost immediately, things that she pushed aside, hoping she could help him through. He had just gotten out of a relationship with a woman who was a heroin addict. The woman had left him with the couple’s two young children, a 2-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. Kate says he didn’t seem all that attached to his children, or affectionate, something that struck her as troublesome.
Our appreciation to Domestic Shelters for this valuable information.
“As it stands, women are 16 times more likely to be killed with guns in the U.S. than in other developed countries, and more than half of all women killed with guns are murdered by intimate partners or family members.” Domestic Shelters
Know your rights and be aware of your state’s statutes. If a Canadian woman files a complaint against her partner or anyone making threats, police will arrive immediately and seize all firearms of the threatener.
“Standard protection orders do not always require the perpetrator to relinquish firearms. According to Sam Levy, counsel for Everytown, 30 states plus the District of Columbia prohibit firearm possession by people subject to domestic violence restraining orders (DVROs), though only 19 states and D.C. require abusers to turn in any guns in their possession.” Domestic Shelters
Read the rest of this survivor’s story at the link below.