Lies! Lies and more Lies. How to break the Cycle of Abuse.

It’ll never happen again.

He says he’s really sorry.

It’s my fault I made him angry—I should be a better partner.

He’s just stressed out right now.

He’s only controlling because he loves me.

Read Domestic Abuse’s take on the Deadly Cycle

“The Cycle proposes that domestic violence starts with tension building in a relationship before an “explosion” occurs—the actual incident of abuse—followed by a “honeymoon phase” where the abuser is apologetic, even romantic, promising the abuse won’t happen again. Soon after, the tension starts building again and the cycle repeats itself indefinitely.”

Power and Control Wheel, was developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project after interviewing hundreds of survivors. “We documented the most common abusive behaviors or tactics that were used against these women. The tactics chosen for the wheel were those that were the most universally experienced by battered women,” say project organizers. They say the reason they focused on female survivors and male batters is because statistically, men commit 86 to 97 percent of all criminal assaults, and that women are 3 ½ times more likely to be killed in domestic homicides than men. However, many of the tactics in the Power and Control Wheel can be the same in same-sex relationships where abuse is occurring.

Power and Control Wheel explained by Domestic Shelters

Power and Control Wheel


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About lazeejjs

Jonathan McCormick holds a Black Belt in Combat Martial Arts. He is a U.S Marine (Inactive), trained with famed CIA operative Rex Applegate and Ultimate Fighter Champion Royce Gracie and was the director of the Institute of Defense Tactics. He is a former member of the American Society of Law Enforcement Trainers and worked with members of various law enforcement agencies in the areas of suspect control and officer safety. He has written for law enforcement magazines BlueLine ( and Twenty-Four-Seven and has been a guest writer for the Vancouver Province. “Wyoming Secrets”, “30,000 Secrets”, “Santa Barbara Secrets” and The “J” Team Series are inspirational novels which focus on women who feel overwhelmed by the threat of violence in their lives. View the Series
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One Response to Lies! Lies and more Lies. How to break the Cycle of Abuse.

  1. I don’t think it is just me. Sure I am pretty dating savvy but so are my girlfriends. We laugh at the lame come-ons guys use that unfortunately some women buy. The lies they use in an opening conversation speak loudly to their deprived character that some woman will marry.

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