The holidays can be a time of increased stress with abusers taking that out on their partner. For those who succeeded in leaving and have shared custody, it can be disquieting to deal with timing and logistics. Gift buying can swing from joy to frustration or even anger as you try to prepare for your ex purchasing expensive gifts to influence the children.
“This year, as you hang the twinkling lights and decorate your mantel with sprigs of holly, remember that no The holidays can be a time of increased stress with abusers taking that out on their partner. For those who succeeded in leaving and have shared custody, it can be disquieting to deal with timing and logistics. Gift buying can swing from joy to frustration or even anger as you try to prepare for your ex purchasing expensive gifts to influence the children. https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/true-survivor-stories/survivor-brianne-i-d-finally-had-enough
“Not everyone has gotten the message that it’s a season of peace. Unfortunately, the holidays can be an even more dangerous time than normal for those at risk for domestic violence. “
Statistics reveal that many communities experience a drop in the number of calls for domestic abuse assistance. Counsellors do not believe incidents of abuse decline during holidays, but rather, “…survivors don’t want to disturb family cohesiveness on these days, or can’t find a private time to make a call for support, advocates say the decline in calls isn’t necessarily an indication that violence ceases on these days .”
If you need help but can’t find privacy at home to make the call , consider going to a neighbor or friend. Take the children and the other adults will entertain them while you make the call from a bedroom. When speaking with a counsellor, make a concrete plan for change, whether that is to seek joint counselling or leave. If conducting the call on your cell, make sure you erase the call history when you are done.
Remember, this is about you and your children. Don’t digress by bad-mouthing your abuser. Keep the conversation positive in that you are seeking help for change. ” “It’s also important to remember that friends and family should take precautions to make sure they remain safe. Sometimes when word gets back to the abuser that a friend or family member is offering advice or asking questions about the abuse, they could be putting themselves in danger.”
I can attest to that last paragraph. I have sheltered numerous women who came to my home for help, made the call, then were transported to a Safe House. When their abusers discovered I was their target’s conduit, they sought retribution against me. All had to be intoxicated to bolster their courage to confront me. Fortunately for them, they were able to think past the alcohol and left my doorstep before they regretted their actions.
But every supporter is not capable of the above, so your friends need to be vigilant and call the police at the first sign of trouble. I can also attest to the reality that abusers can go from calm to violence in seconds. Neither you nor your friends can allow that to occur.
Our appreciation to Domestic Shelters for their advice.
Domestic Shelters has a CHAT line at the bottom right hand corner of the above site.
“After a decade of control, yelling and terror, this strong mama packed a bag and never looked back.”
“The abuse I endured spanned 10 years. It was primarily mental, emotional and financial, but it was abuse nonetheless. I’ve repressed a lot of memories from that time. But there are still a lot of instances that I remember vividly, particularly in the last couple of years leading up to my escape. “
Why would you date a man who demonstrates his immaturity?
“The house was solely in my name, because his credit was shot. He told me his debt was from charging his ex-girlfriend’s college to his credit cards .”
The first of the long list of lies. LEAVE AT THE FIRST LIE. https://www.jonathanmccormick.com/its-worth-the-read-women-in-their-40s-give-advice-to-their-20-something-selves/
She ignored the signs and “I was fired from at least three or four jobs while we were together because he would constantly break up with me and I would be so distraught that I would miss work, or I would be so distracted all the time that my performance suffered.”
She discovered he had a three year old daughter.
“Finally, I knew I needed to leave for good. My abuser had crippled me financially, ruined my credit and let my house go back to the bank. He had strained my relationship with my parents so much I was worried that they wouldn’t be willing to help me if I left. “
Our appreciation for this valuable information and support from Domestic Shelters.