We spend a great deal of time here and elsewhere sharing RED FLAGS for women that we tend to forget that the perpetrators are a small percentage of men.
“What if we switched up that rhetoric, just for a moment, and focused on the potential good that could be waiting for us in the produce section of the grocery store, that coffee shop poetry reading or the speed dating our friends are dragging us to? You know, the “green flags.” Back in July, Buzzfeed talked about a Reddit thread where people called out such green flags—signs that a new person was more likely than not to be a decent, respectful and nonviolent human being.” https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/relationships/maybe-we-should-look-for-these-green-flags-too?fbclid=IwAR2VmKFxv9kt8B0arvGPhDeMv-R5WkzJPg3DnyPu6w6V42AbssXnU4twW38
That being said, how do women navigate around men who appear to be a decent person then, “I’m too conditioned on red to see green,” writes one reader on our Facebook page. Another writes, “You never know—mine was fine until I said, ‘I do.’ Then the red flags started.”
What Green Flags Do You Look For?
“Respects a ‘no.’” – C.D.
“Doesn’t ‘flip out’ when I express an opinion or feeling.” – A.M.
“Same person in public and private.” – C.N.
“Accepts who you are as an individual.” – M.S.
“Doesn’t blame the woman [for] why past relationships didn’t work. Does not belittle you in public or private. Doesn’t mind attending family gatherings.” – S. D.
“When the person’s actions match their words, from the smallest of things to the most important. This proves honesty, sincerity, faithfulness and a sense of safety.” – P.D.
“When I was dating my husband, he said he would never raise his voice to me. Married eight years to my safe man.” – C. B.
“Respectful, open, honest communication.” – B.H.
“When a guy doesn’t show signs of jealousy when I’m away from him and doesn’t try to stifle my life.” – J.D.
“Not asking for sex right away.” – C.S.
“Is keen to introduce you to family and friends.” – J.H.
“Genuine apologies.” – C.N.
“When they can take a back seat and acknowledge that you know more than they do on a subject.” – M.S.
“Unselfish behavior. Humbleness.” – R.L.
“I knew my husband was a keeper when he made no effort to stake his claim on me in public … did not get angry at me for making a mistake … laughed at my off-color sense of humor and didn’t tell me I should not talk that way.” – A. F.
It may be a cliche but see how he is with dogs, cats and other animals. A friend said she knew he was a keeper when he got on the grass and played with a neighbor’s dog.
Our appreciation to Domestic Shelters for all of the above.