There could be a myriad of reasons of course, many could be valid. "I fell out of love with you." "We lost our spark". "I met someone else" The list is so personal it is endless, but this?

"He said to me:

You never went after your goals.

You didn’t work.

You didn’t go to school.

I want someone I can relate to.

Someone that understands what I want out of life."

I can't relate. Not because I'm blessed, well, actually I am, but I never married and I'm gay. I'm blessed to have met my life partner in my thirties. Penelope never married either so she is finding this post as interesting as I.

"Ouch.

After 13 years of marriage, he blindsided me with divorce.

After bearing his children, tending to the home, caring for him, and following his lead, this was the thanks I got.

Because I wasn’t ambitious enough. Because I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. A proud housewife. I put them before myself. I cooked, cleaned, did the yard work, ran the errands. Doctors appointments and school meetings. I nursed my family when they were sick. I was the mediator when there were fights. I put off my goals and desires to be there for them first."

"I lost myself.

I forgot who I was.

I was dependent on him.

Being Mrs. didn’t mean I belonged. A wedding ring didn’t signify a bond. The marriage certificate was gibberish.

I was very much lonely. My soul craved something outside of the walls of our marriage. Something for me. Something my husband could not provide.

But when we divorced, guessed what happened?

I flourished. I thrived. I did the things I always wanted to do. And the very things my husband left me for.

I worked. Worked my ass off. Two jobs at one point. Promoted several times. Made the big bucks. Climbed up the ladder. Learned new skills.

I became goal-driven because I was no longer driven by him. I started taking care of my health and well-being. If he wasn’t going to notice me, someone sure as hell will. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and found freedom on the other side of scary.

Photo credits to Unsplash

How ironic that the very reasons he wanted to leave me were the very things that helped me survive.

He gave up on me.

He gave up on our marriage.

He left me for another woman because I no longer fancied him.

Foolish of him to think I wasn’t ambitious. Who was he to judge my success when I only wanted him to succeed? Who was he to say what I did and didn’t do when everything I did was for him and the children? Who the hell was he to decide to walk out on our marriage like I had nothing else to give?

This is my message to him today — —

Oh honey, don’t ever underestimate the power of a woman to heal, do better, and know better. We may lower our standards and settle for breadcrumbs. But once we realize we deserve the whole damn loaf, we’re feasting."

Penelope and I thank Emily Mark for this motivating post

https://markemilee.medium.com/this-why-he-divorced-me-fc84ac1b2ab9