How to End Your Victim Mindset

Or, as one woman mentioned recently, “I am now my own advocate.” “After someone has been forced to endure unpleasant encounters, she becomes unwilling or unable to avoid such encounters in the future because she believes she cannot control them.” Why domestic violence survivors continue to suffer long after Many of my students have felt this way and it takes months and often years of counselling for a survivor to move to the next step, which is learning defensive tactics. Counselors have told me, “Her past has shown her that … Continue reading






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Alcohol and abuse.

“While alcohol can’t take the entirety of the blame for an abuser’s behavior, Bennett says it’s also incorrect to say they’re not connected at all, either. “You can find plenty of examples of individuals who have been sober for decades and are still violent.” Having sought safety through the Women’s Shelters, counselled on leaving strategies and trained in defensive tactics by me, many angry, drunk husbands/partners blame me for their spouse’s departure. They are incapable of taking responsibility for their behavior and yet, even when inebriated know they will lose … Continue reading






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When to dump him. Six RED FLAGS you made a mistake.

When do you know? How about when he farts in front of you? Or, asks you to dinner and you end up at a fast food joint? You convince him to take you to a fine-dining restaurant. You take time choosing the perfect outfit, and he arrives in jeans, unshaven and wearing a ball cap. Substance abuse and violence require an immediate exit. Katherine Heigl knows: Kathrine Heigl knows a loser when she meets him. All of this and you still have a relationship? Why? Here is Darla Murray with … Continue reading






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Psychopaths and sociopaths. Are you living with one?

Shahida Arabi’s explains the four ways toxic people such as malignant narcissists, psychopaths and those with antisocial traits engage in maladaptive behaviors in relationships to an excessive extent in an effort to escape accountability for their actions. Here are 6 more of the 20 diversionary tactics toxic people use to silence and degrade you. Do you see these traits in your relationship? Do you engage in any of these behaviors? 1. Deliberately misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity. 2. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts. 3. … Continue reading






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Are you being abused? Read, share and stop the circle of violence.

“The common depiction of abuse is black eyes and bruises. But, it’s important to know domestic violence can take other forms: emotional or psychological, sexual, financial and/or spiritual abuse.” “We’ve prepared a toolkit to help you understand the various forms abuse can take so you can better assess your relationship and understand your situation. You can download the toolkit here, or by using the gray DOWNLOAD TOOLKIT button above.” Am I being Abused. THE TOOLKIT. Introduction When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to determine if … Continue reading






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LEAVE AN ABUSER. Go with a survival plan & resources.

Amanda at Domestic Shelters advises. “Creating a safety plan before leaving is an instrumental step toward staying safe. As Marylouise Kelley, director, Division of Family Violence Prevention and Service told DomesticShelters.org last September, “If you’re in the midst of a crisis it’s really hard to think straight. Putting a plan in place ahead of time, knowing where things are and having children understand what steps they can take to be safe—those are all things that are best done in advance.” How to formulate a plan “After he was served with … Continue reading






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Abuse victims turned away from shelters, return to abusers.

We can make a difference in our communities by supporting Women’s Shelters to ensure they have adequate space and protection. Shelter staff should not have to go hat in hand to government begging for funding crumbs but be on the top of financial distribution lists for continual support. “In an anonymous survey on DomesticShelters.org, more than 40 percent of the 247 responders said they chose to return to their abuser when they were turned away from an emergency shelter because of a lack of space. “ “Having nowhere else to … Continue reading






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Abuse victims turned away from shelters, return to abusers.

We can make a difference in our communities by supporting Women’s Shelters to ensure they have adequate space and protection. Shelter staff should not have to go hat in hand to government begging for funding crumbs but be on the top of financial distribution lists for continual support. “In an anonymous survey on DomesticShelters.org, more than 40 percent of the 247 responders said they chose to return to their abuser when they were turned away from an emergency shelter because of a lack of space. Domestic Shelters “ “Having nowhere … Continue reading






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24 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone With an Abusive Partner

Motivate, Encourage and Support. “If the power is going out of your life or in somebody’s life around you because they don’t know if they can find their way out. Be that light for them and let your light shine before them.” Tyler Perry Motivate, encourage and support Are we guilty of these, thinking we are being supportive but in fact adding to her sorrow and pain? 1. Why don’t you just leave? 2. I’m sure it will pass. 3. I told you I didn’t like him. I always had … Continue reading






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Fear. Overcoming it and finding courage.

Fear Overcoming it Finding Courage “He sits on my chest and pins my arms with his knees, then beats my face. The last time I was in the hospital with a broken eye socket and jaw for a week. The bruises and humiliation from not leaving compounded my pain.” This Combat Martial Arts student of mine learned to channel her former fear. She left him immediately with the help of the local Women’s Resource Centre and six months later they met by chance in the local grocery store and she … Continue reading






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