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RED FLAGS
Are you in danger?

“She says he was nice, at first, but red flags popped up almost immediately, things that she pushed aside, hoping she could help him through. He had just gotten out of a relationship with a woman who was a heroin addict. She had left him with their two young children, a 2-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. Kate says he didn’t seem all that attached to his children, or affectionate, something that struck her as troublesome.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , , , |

“How long did you feel you needed to be on guard after leaving an abuser?”

The Color Code of Awareness

Condition white, you are relaxed and unaware of what is going on around you. The doors and windows are locked and you know you are safe in your home.

Condition yellow DOES NOT equate with paranoia or any other irrational fear of persons or places. Instead, you simply have moved your alertness to a level of attention that will prevent you from being totally surprised by the actions of another person.

Condition orange, you have identified something of interest that may or may not prove to be a threat.

Until you determine the true nature of whatever has piqued your interest, your “radar” is narrowed to concentrate on the possible threat and will remain so focused until you are satisfied no threat exists.

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , |

Family turns on you, supporting abuser. How to survive.

“When you’re in love with someone, you will write off just about any red flag because it doesn’t seem possible that someone you love so much could want to hurt you. It’s not conceivable. I was really naïve. I was 22 when I met him.

I’ve been in two emotionally abusive relationships since then [her divorce] and I was just as slow on the uptake on the emotional abuse as I was the physical abuse. Anyone can be vulnerable at any stage in your life even if you’ve had a lot of experience. I know many abuse victims who refuse to get into relationships again. It’s a high price to pay but I understand it. They know when they’re in love they become so blind they can’t see the warning signs.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , , , |

“Barkley Sound Secrets”

Don’t live a life of fear. Regain control as so many other women have.
Wyoming Secrets, 30,000 Secrets, Santa Barbara Secrets, Barkley Sound Secrets, Vancouver Secrets and the “J” Team Series are inspirational novels which embolden and motivate women who feel overwhelmed by the threat of violence in their lives.

Enjoy the characters’ journeys and consider applying their advice and tactics to your own life. There is never a reason for any woman to be controlled by anybody. Read what other women have to say about living life to the fullest on their terms.

“Barkley Sound Secrets” debuted last week on Amazon. Numerous British Columbia and Alberta personalities in law enforcement, construction, port authorities and union leadership portray themselves.

“Barkley Sound Secrets” sees the plot shifting from Santa Barbara to a Vancouver Island fjord leading from the Pacific Ocean into Port Alberni, a logging and mill town where local entrepreneurs exhibit financial acumen and personal tenacity, albeit, criminally.

Karen Winthrop and Tom Hortonn having been seconded from the RCMP and Toronto Police Service respectfully, invite RCMP Member, Kimberley Breyman to join their surveillance of two Vancouver attorneys and an accountant whom the Edmonton detectives believe are part of a new cocaine cartel.

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Posted in Women's Fiction |

“After you left, how was your life different?”

These women share their stories. Please share your experience at the bottom of the post so others know of the progress that can be made through their journey.

“Sorry!” “Sorry!” “Sorry!” Women, enough. Stop saying, “Sorry!” https://www.jonathanmccormick.com/sorry-sorry-sorry-women-enough-stop-saying-sorry/ “But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , , |

Child abuse. Help stop it.

“Childhelp intervention programs protect children from danger along several steps of crisis resolution. The first step in our approach is the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline, a 24/7 resource for children, parents, caregivers, teachers, and concerned individuals who suspect abuse may be occurring. The hotline offers crisis intervention, information, literature and referrals to thousands of emergency, social service, and support resources. On average, the Childhelp National Child Abuse hotline receives well over 100,000 child abuse calls a year. While we have made significant progress, there’s still so much more work to be done! The next step in the intervention of child abuse is providing children with a safe place to live.

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Posted in Parenting | Tagged , |

Girls can reach, achieve and excel…But

“I wanted them to be like children, playing outside, running and jumping and not sitting inside at a desk,” said Lauren Anderson, who raised the kids in South Lake Tahoe, Calif. “They got to be free, building their bodies, protecting their spirits and minds, and not being pushed or pressured.”

Let’s scrap the idea that girls need to dress a certain way to avoid boys getting the “wrong idea”.

Let’s avoid modeling subservient behavior that our daughters believe they must live under the control of a man.

Let’s not teach our girls that their lives don’t matter compared to that of a man’s.

Let’s stop preparing our girls to be victims of sexual and domestic assaults.

Let’s teach our girls to be bad asses and take the world by storm and be anything they want to be and to be strong enough to reject criticism.

Let’s stop asking five year old girls, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

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Posted in Girls achieving, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , |

“Girls need to know their place.”

The norm has been for girls to be raised to be nice, make people happy, disregard your ambitions and joys.

Parents can show them truck drivers, medical doctors and dentists. They can introduce them to female astronauts and a myriad of other careers previously forbidden

Little Big Town’s Fairchild sings a different tune, literally in this piece showing girls that they can reject the 1950’s social rules. It is 2020 and girls can do and be anything they want and parents do not have to introduce their toddlers to princesses and shining knights.

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , |

Green Flags. What are they and why do they matter?

“What if we switched up that rhetoric, just for a moment, and focused on the potential good that could be waiting for us in the produce section of the grocery store, that coffee shop poetry reading or the speed dating our friends are dragging us to? You know, the “green flags.” Back in July, Buzzfeed talked about a Reddit thread where people called out such green flags—signs that a new person was more likely than not to be a decent, respectful and nonviolent human being.” Thanks to Domestic Shelters for this valuable information.

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Posted in Uncategorized |

Abusers. Are they identifiable?

“Understanding abuser statistics serves as a predictive indicator of a person who is more likely to abuse. The most common indicators are low socio-economic status, underemployment, prior criminal history, abused or witness of abuse as a child, substance abuser, mental disorders and/or an attitude that violence is okay. It is important to realize, however, that not all abusers possess these characteristics and that abusers exist in all strata of society; this article can help you identify abusive behaviors to watch for regardless of your partner’s makeup or past.”

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Posted in Abuse |

“10 Reasons Why Most Women Don’t Find A True Gentleman ❤️”

“10 Reasons Why Most Women Don’t Find A True Gentleman
gentleman

Women complain a lot that chivalry is dead and that there are no true gentlemen left in the world. But, chivalry is a concept from the medieval period that dictated the behavior between two warriors. The code of chivalry only relates to women in that women were a man’s property (either daughter or wife) and what a warrior needed to do so as not to offend his host or liege lord by not taking liberties with the women of the house.

The idea of the gentleman grew out of the aristocracy and the chivalric code when firearms made the knight obsolete. With their purpose (waging war) taken away from them, the aristocracy had to justify their existence and maintain their warlike demeanor even though they were rarely called upon to fight. Out of this grew the idea of personal honor and the willingness to fight at the drop of a hat for any offense, real or perceived. Throw women into the mix, and men were fighting and killing or dying to protect a woman’s honor.”

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged |

Survivors’ Podcasts. Listen!

Below, 10 podcasts that survivors may find helpful, intriguing or empowering. Of course, with all survivor-related narratives, make sure to practice self-care before and during listening, and prepare for possible triggers that may be emotionally challenging. It may help to speak with someone at a domestic violence hotline about how you’re feeling after you listen.

“Years worth of evidence suggests perpetrators of domestic violence exhibit patterns that make it possible to predict when someone is in harm’s way. Being aware of warning signs, experts said, could help prevent tragedies such as the one that unfolded in Ajax, Ont., earlier this week.”

“… community members rather than justice or violence-prevention workers are often best positioned to take meaningful, potentially life-saving action.”

Do not be apprehensive to speak with police, thinking they will consider you an interloper. They will not. They would rather be proactive, investigate and find everyone safe than be reactive and find injuries or death.

https://www.jonathanmccormick.com/3576-2/

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , |

Holiday office parties. How to attend without being sued or arrested.

Too often employees feel the need to change their office behavior at a holiday party. Doing so has lead to divorces, being fired and law suites.

Don’t become a statistic. You can attend the party, make your presence known, don’t consume alcohol and leave after thirty minutes.

“Employees of all levels of seniority and experience can take a company holiday party as license to relax standards of professional behavior. With the holiday season approaching, employees and employers should keep certain points in mind that can help prevent or address sexual harassment or other inappropriate conduct that occurs all-too-often at events that should be considered an extension of the workplace. ”

“Sexual Harassment – Still Not Allowed Away From the Office. Many people do not realize that sexual harassment may give rise to legal claims even if it is committed outside the office, by non-employees (such as clients, vendors and the friends or family of other employees), or when employees are “off the clock.” Employers should ensure that employees are aware of the fact that workplace standards of conduct still apply at company events and parties, and should redistribute the company’s policy against harassment and code of conduct in advance of such occasions. Employees also should dress appropriately and consistent with workplace standards of dress at company events – simply because an event is a party or away from the office does not mean that an

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged |

Warning other women. Would you?

The problem is always whether she will believe you. We have all heard comments by the “Other Woman” putting down the former female saying he is such a wonderful guy, it had to be all her fault.

After escaping abuse, many survivors may find themselves questioning what obligation they have, if any, to warn potential future partners of the ex they just left. Survivors may feel guilty if they never reported or pressed charges for the abuse, for not leaving a trail of red flag breadcrumbs for new partners to see.

“As much as I would like to be able to warn other women, many abusers are gaslighters. They invalidate anything we might say by telling new girlfriends that their ex is a crazed stalker,” says survivor Amy*, who shared the heartbreaking story with us in April of giving up her son in order to keep him safe from an abuser. “

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Posted in Domestic Abuse |

Shelter Safe Canada

← SHELTER SAFE CANADA
Shelter Safe Canada
Posted on December 10, 2019 by lazeejjs
We are reposting this valuable information to couple with the previous post on Surviving the Holidays.
Any time, day or night, there is someone to whom you can reach out.
SHELTER SAFE CANADA HOME PAGE https://www.sheltersafe.ca/

Shelter Safe is an interactive site. Just click on your province or territory and follow the prompts. There is a Shelter near you. Make the call if you are being abused.

HOW CAN SHELTERS HELP ME?
If you want support, information or referrals you can call a shelter just to talk. Most shelters on this site have staff available 24 hours, 7 days per week to answer your call. Click on the shelters located in the area you wish to find help.

Shelter workers will work with you to design supports specific to your unique needs. They will maintain confidentiality and advocate for you in the complex web of services you may need to access.

WHAT IS AN EMERGENCY SHELTER/ TRANSITION HOUSE?
It is a safe and welcoming home that accommodates women and their children when they are fleeing violence. Shelter addresses are kept confidential so that women (and children) cannot be found. You can generally stay in these homes for up to 30 days and sometimes longer. There are no charges for you to stay there.

Shelters provide women fleeing violence with the critical support services that will help them make their transition to a life free of abuse. Shelter workers liaise with a number of providers in the community to help women and their children and ensure that they have counseling support and health care.

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Posted in Uncategorized |

Holidays; Surviving & thriving.

The holidays can be a time of increased stress with abusers taking that out on their partner. For those who succeeded in leaving and have shared custody, it can be disquieting to deal with timing and logistics. Gift buying can swing from joy to frustration or even anger as you try to prepare for your ex purchasing expensive gifts to influence the children.

The holidays can be a time of increased stress with abusers taking that out on their partner. For those who succeeded in leaving and have shared custody, it can be disquieting to deal with timing and logistics. Gift buying can swing from joy to frustration or even anger as you try to prepare for your ex purchasing expensive gifts to influence the children.

Statistics reveal that many communities experience a drop in the number of calls for domestic abuse assistance. Counsellors do not believe incidents of abuse decline during holidays, but rather, “…survivors don’t want to disturb family cohesiveness on these days, or can’t find a private time to make a call for support, advocates say the decline in calls isn’t necessarily an indication that violence ceases on these days .”

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Posted in Holidays for survivors |

Morning rituals

Do you begin your mornings already behind schedule?

If you do, then you are a member of a growing group who have lost the ability to budget their time and control their destiny.

Here are some suggestions to retake control of your life and ease your stress load in the process.

8 Morning Habits That Simplify Your Life.
Morning habits
Mornings can get pretty hectic. There’s so much to do, lots of things to remember, and in big homes, it can all get quite chaotic. This sort of stress first thing in the morning can greatly affect your positive thinking and set a bad tone for the rest of the day. Start your day off with good habits that simplify your life.

So, what can you do to change this? As it turns out, there are lots of scientifically proven methods that can help reshape your morning habits.

HERE ARE 8 MORNING HABITS THAT SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE:
1. FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU’LL BE EATING AND DRINKING
The process of making food and drinks every morning can be a little time-consuming, leading to a lot of chaos as you attempt to get everything ready. If you’ve already figured out what you’ll be consuming, the process will be significantly slowed down. Here’s how to do so:

· MAKE COFFEE QUICKLY
Many of us can’t fully wake up without a cup of coffee, but try making the preparation process faster. Try purchasing a coffee pot that has a timer. This will let you set things up in the evening. You can also buy a pot that lets you pre-load pods. If you’re not too much of a coffee “purist,” you can even opt for pre-made or bottled options!

· PREP MEALS FO SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE
Making breakfast early in the morning can take up a lot of time. This can make you skip breakfast on some days, which is a very bad idea. Eating breakfast provides countless positive benefits.

As such, you should try to prepare your breakfast the night before, so you can easily eat the next day. This also allows you to make a healthier breakfast. If it’s something you have to make fresh, lay out all the ingredients beforehand.

The same goes for packed lunches. If you bring your lunch to work with you, try to prep your meals in advance. That way, you can just grab your lunch and go.

· SORT OUT ANY MEDICATIONS
If you take supplements and medications, make sure they’re all sorted out and arranged, ready for quick and easy taking. Put them near where you’ll eat breakfast so you can take them before or after as needed. You can also purchase a pill sorter to keep things extra organized.

2. WAKE YOURSELF UP RIGHT
The process of waking up itself can be a bit of a challenge. For many people. Here’s how to get it done the right way:

· LET THE SUN IN
Natural light can trigger the hormones in your brain, helping you to wake up more easily. So once you get up, let the light stream in. If you tend to wake up right at sunrise, consider leaving the curtain open when you go to bed, so you wake up to the sun streaming in.

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Posted in Female role models, Happy living, Mental Health |

Social Media Safety

How to Make Your Social Media Less … Social

“Obviously, the safest way to stay hidden from an abuser is to stay off the Internet, but what kind of life is that? We get it: You want to be on social media, but you don’t want to put a target on yourself for stalkers or your abuser. Below, some ways to stay safe while still having an online presence.

Keep photos vague. Never post photos that show the location of your home or office. Prause says she posts a fake address for her work and never posts about her home neighborhood. If you want to post photos say, of your Disneyland vacation – an easily recognizable spot – wait until after you’ve left that place.
Read the rest of the safety measures. “

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , |

DO NOT TOUCH!

As it stands, women are 16 times more likely to be killed with guns in the U.S. than in other developed countries, and more than half of all women killed with guns are murdered by intimate partners or family members.” Domestic Shelters

Know your rights and be aware of your state’s statutes. If a Canadian woman files a complaint against her partner or anyone making threats, police will arrive immediately and seize all firearms of the threatener.

“Standard protection orders do not always require the perpetrator to relinquish firearms. According to Sam Levy, counsel for Everytown, 30 states plus the District of Columbia prohibit firearm possession by people subject to domestic violence restraining orders (DVROs), though only 19 states and D.C. require abusers to turn in any guns in their possession.” Domestic Shelters

Several weeks after the Title statement, my student entered the gym jumping up and down like she just won a title fight. She explained, “I got the son-of-a-bitch! I got him. He will never control me again. I was in the grocery store last night and seeing me, he strutted up, all arrogant like he was. I took my stance and I knew, man, I knew he could sense the difference in me. I was ready to kick his ass and he could detect it.

As he approached, I said nothing. I maintained my stance and watched him walk by. As he did, he said, “I can shop here too you know. You don’t own this place.”

I frkin loved it. Now, lets get on with the training ladies.”

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Posted in Sexual Assault/Harassment | Tagged , , |

Where is the best place to live for women?

Canada slipped four spots this year on a global index that ranks countries based on women’s equality and well-being.

The 2019 Women, Peace and Security Index placed Canada in the 11th spot, below the Netherlands and Sweden. Canada placed seventh on the list in 2018.

The ranking system is put together by Georgetown University’s Institute for Women, Peace and Security, in partnership with the Peace Research Institute of Oslo, and weighs variables such as access to bank accounts, jobs and security.

Researchers found Norway and Switzerland are the best countries to be a woman, and Yemen and Afghanistan are the worst.

However, their findings also show that the state of women’s rights is not “all doom and gloom” around the world.

While life for women has deteriorated in Yemen and other war-torn nations, it has improved in some 60 countries.

The researchers looked at 167 countries since 2017, when the first Women, Peace and Security Index was compiled.

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Posted in Women's Rights | Tagged |

Housing for survivors. Steven Tyler Aerosmith

“The famous musician donated half a million dollars from his charity Janie’s Fund to help the center open its doors.
With the $500,000 that Tyler, 70, donated, the Youth Villages organization was able to renovate a Memphis-area home for the cause. Youth Villages is a national foundation that assists children and helps them cope with mental, behavioral, and emotional problems.”

What is Domestic Violence?

We make finding the right shelter and information about domestic violence easier. Instead of searching the Internet, it is all right here. We’ve painstakingly verified information on shelters in LA to shelters in NY, and every domestic violence program in between. If you or a friend is suffering from physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse or verbal abuse, this free service can help. Select domestic violence programs based on location, service and language needs. Find 24-hour hotlines in your area, service listings, and helpful articles on domestic violence statistics, signs and cycles of abuse, housing services, emergency services, legal and financial services, support groups for women, children and families, and more.
https://www.jonathanmccormick.com/what-is-domestic-violence/

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged |

STRONG WOMEN

Strong women are special people who make big changes in this world. They have a vision and don’t stop until their dreams become reality. To them, life is too short to shrink down into a lesser version of themselves. They rise up and meet themselves so they can become the person they were meant to be. A strong woman will shake this world to its core and make a permanent imprint on the universe.

OTHER KEY TRAITS OF A STRONG WOMAN
She knows what she wants out of life and isn’t afraid to go after it.
A strong woman likes to be in control but knows when it’s someone else’s time to shine.
She’s creative and uses her imagination to create her reality.
They don’t like drama or gossip and steer clear of people who engage in these shallow behaviors.
They don’t sugarcoat anything. They tell it like it is and expect other people to do the same.
Strong women take care of their health and happiness and don’t expect others to do it for them.
They need a lot of time to recharge their energy since they use so much of it on a daily basis.
A strong woman surrounds herself with positive, empowered people. She doesn’t mesh well with negative people.
They constantly want to learn new things and test their limits.
They have an open mind and believe they can do anything in life.
She doesn’t let anyone manipulate her. She knows her worth and doesn’t believe in keeping her mouth shut just so she doesn’t rock the boat.

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Posted in Uncategorized |

Domestic Abuse. Do you know?

Those who have never experienced the trauma of physical and/or mental manipulation and violence may not be able to grasp the magnitude.

Here is a story of a woman who escapes only to find her abuser tracks her down to kill.

Viewing the film and perusing the attached link explaining domestic abuse may help readers understand and reach out to those in need.
We read a great deal about domestic violence here and of the numerous Resources available. But what is domestic violence exactly and how does a woman, unaware she is being abused, identify her situation?

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Posted in Domestic Abuse |

Paid leave for sexual and domestic assault survivors

The provincial government is considering paid work leaves for victims of sexual and domestic violence.

Parliamentary Secretary for Gender Equity Mitzi Dean says the province is considering changes to the Employment Standards Act to do so, and says public feedback is now being taken online.

She says victims of domestic and sexual assault need to rebuild their lives.

“I remember when I was an employer of about 20 professional people just a few years ago, when one of my team members came to me on a Monday morning and told me that she had been raped on the weekend. Someone had put the rape drug in her drink on the weekend. She wasn’t able to be productive at work, she needed time away,” Dean says

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Sexual assault survivors, Sexual Assault/Harassment, Survivors | Tagged , , , , |

Survivors’ Stories from Domestic Shelters

“You must feed your mind with reading material, thoughts, and ideas that open you to new possibilities.”

Oprah

“There is no life to be found in violence. Every act of violence brings us closer to death. Whether it’s the mundane violence we do to our bodies by overeating toxic food or drink or the extreme violence of child abuse, domestic warfare, life-threatening poverty, addiction, or state terrorism.”

Gloria Jean Watkins Feminist/Social Activist

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Violence prevention | Tagged , , |

STOP THE VIOLENCE

Teenage dancers perform a Travis Wall choreographed routine which highlights the tragedy of the violence we inflict upon our fellow humans daily.

“What could I do? There wasn’t anything I could do? I couldn’t stand up against him!”

Actually, you could, can and should have.

I have had several battered women seek shelter in our home and to a man, their abuser backs off when they are confronted. I have been told it is because I am male.

That might be true in some, but not all cases. It is the thought that their despicable behavior is now known to another and s/he will call the police.

Here is an incident shared by the clinic of a battered woman seeking help from the female staff. She gave them a note stating that her boyfriend was an abuser and had a gun. The couple were waiting in the examining room for the vet.

Read and view how the staff reacted.

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Posted in Fear, Uncategorized, Violence prevention |

MOM MET HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE. HE’S IN THE KITCHEN

“It starts somewhere. It starts in the home. I know what a mass shooter can look like.

First time I saw him, I was 13. The sun wasn’t even up yet and I was wearing my track uniform. I poured myself a bowl of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch, turned and there he was, sitting at the round pale-blue Formica table reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee.

He was a large man. Wavy hair and beard intertwined with strands of black and white. Blue-blue eyes. A department store Santa. He smiled at me. Introduced himself. I was late for practice. So I told him to wash his dishes before he left.”

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Posted in Assault survivors, Courage, Mental Health, Murdered women, Personal Safety, Violence prevention | Tagged , , , , |

Narcissist, Psychopath or Sociopath. Are you living with one, two, or all three? None? Learn to identify these three traits.

“A narcissist lacks empathy, is grandiose, entitled, constantly seeks validation and is arrogant. “When they do a bad thing, they feel a fair amount of guilt and shame,” says Durvsula.

According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissists can also become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment. They belittle others in order to appear superior. They exaggerate their achievements and talents. They monopolize conversations and disparage those they consider inferior.” Dr. Durvsula

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Posted in Uncategorized |

Emma Watson et al on strong women.

Assailants look for “Vics”, those of us who walk as though preoccupied. Carry yourself erect, shoulders back, head up and look at people you pass. Eye contact or lack of it tells an assailant you want to avoid confrontation and he’ll pick up on that. You don’t need to lock onto his face or stare, look, catch his eye, then look up or off to the side, not down (a passive message) is all that is necessary to get the message across that you’re aware of his presence and that you

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Posted in Uncategorized, Women's Rights | Tagged , , , |

What is domestic violence?

About Domestic Shelters

We make finding the right shelter and information about domestic violence easier. Instead of searching the Internet, it is all right here. We’ve painstakingly verified information on shelters in LA to shelters in NY, and every domestic violence program in between. If you or a friend is suffering from physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse or verbal abuse, this free service can help. Select domestic violence programs based on location, service and language needs. Find 24-hour hotlines in your area, service listings, and helpful articles on domestic violence statistics, signs and cycles of abuse, housing services, emergency services, legal and financial services, support groups for women, children and families, and more.

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Posted in Uncategorized |

How Social Stigma Silences Domestic Violence Victims

“Victims also stay in relationships with abusive partners for fear of how they will be treated by others who learn about the abuse. This fear stems from the way victims are often treated differently, both personally and professionally, after details of their victimization come to light.
Many victims of domestic abuse remain under the radar because they are ashamed that they have chosen to remain in a relationship with an abusive partner. Both culturally and socially, victims are sensitive to the judgment they fear from others, whether they are suffering physical abuse, emotional abuse or both. Reporting the perpetrator´s behavior would involve revealing embarrassing and humiliating details they would rather never discuss—especially if they have been enduring this treatment for years.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , |

Gaslighting. What is it? How to avoid being used.

Gaslighting. This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light (and later, the 1940 movie, and later remakes), in which a husband tried to drive his wife crazy by dimming the gas-powered lights in their home. When his wife points out the change in light, he denies that the light changed at all. ”
An Example of Gaslighting in a Relationship Looks Like This:
“Why are you making things up?!”
“You are so jealous!”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.”

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Posted in Gaslighting |

Living alone versus living with a guy.

Live alone for a while. Many women jump at the chance to have a roommate or worse, live with a man. These women have zero transition from living with parents to spreading their wings. To do things without thinking of anyone but themselves.

“Gravitate to those who share genuine interests with you. Volunteer with any group which matches your interest; the SPCA, Hospice, Wellness, Reading to elementary children, seniors. Every community has a need for volunteers. “

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Posted in Mental Health, Women's Rights |

Divorce. Solutions to reduce the stress of gaining your freedom.

“Try to remember that this stressful conflict is not going to last forever and that you are in the home stretch to achieving your freedom and a path to happiness, something that would not have been possible if you had chosen to stay in this toxic relationship.”

Sage advice from women who have been there, done that and thrived.

Live alone for a while. Many women jump at the chance to have a roommate or worse, live with a man. These women have zero transition from living with parents to spreading their wings. To do things without thinking of anyone but themselves.

Don’t go to bars, pubs or taverns to mingle with like minded people. A night out with friends with whom you have a vocation or avocation in common with dinner and a few drinks, but hitting bars to get drunk is a dead-end route.

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Posted in Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Women's Rights |

“To Mike from Aggie”

Thanks to DIY and Mike Holmes for the photo

These women escaped a violent relationship. “A woman reached out to Mike Holmes directly seeking help for her daughter-in-law whose home repairs began piling up after being faced with a broken marriage and having to raise two children on her own. Now, Mike is using the experience to give valuable advice about sump pump maintenance, explain how to identify asbestos and provide intimate details about his own difficult upbringing.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , |

Survivor’s story.

‘It Felt Like It Went Bad Fast’

Kate met him five years ago when she was 34. It had been six months since her divorce was finalized, ending a 15-year marriage. Kate was ready to meet someone new.

“I thought, ‘Oh, it’ll be fun to try online dating,’” she remembers.

She says he was nice at first, but red flags popped up almost immediately, things that she pushed aside, hoping she could help him through. He had just gotten out of a relationship with a woman who was a heroin addict. The woman had left him with the couple’s two young children, a 2-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. Kate says he didn’t seem all that attached to his children, or affectionate, something that struck her as troublesome.

He was angry—understandably so, she says, after what his ex did to him. But there was more than that—he seemed to have a hatred for women in general, often spewing sexist rhetoric about how women were given unfair advantages in life, how they wanted equal rights and then still needed help from men.

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Domestic abuse. The Drip affect.

The longer she spent with him, and particularly after they married in 2016, four years after meeting, the more his behavior became intimidating. He made comments about what she ate. He picked fights when she went out with her friends. He threw her things around their house. He berated her while out shopping. One night, she says, he even threatened to kill her. “It’s such a drip effect, each event gets a bit worse and a bit worse,” Curtis says, speaking softly from her home in Essex, southeast England. “And then someone has control over you.”

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“LGBTQ and Domestic Violence Leading facts and statistics on the LBGTQ population and domestic violence.”

The facts about LGBTQ partner abuse/domestic violence are often hidden by numerous myths and misconceptions. Common myths and misconceptions include the belief that women are not violent, that men are not commonly victims, that LGBTQ domestic violence is mutual, and that there are no significant differences between heterosexual domestic violence and same-gender domestic violence. However, people who are lesbian, gay and bisexual have an equal or higher prevalence of experiencing intimate partner violence, sexual violence and stalking as compared to heterosexuals.

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Sexual assault survivors | Tagged , |

Violent Relationships-The Red Flags. Advice from the RCMP

In 2011, 19-year-old Maple Batalia was brutally murdered in public by a jealous ex-boyfriend. Her friend Benisha Aujla says it was only in hindsight that she saw the typical warning signs of a violent relationship.

Aujla decided to share those signs with RCMP Cpl. Samara Bilmer so they could help others see them before it’s too late.

“Abuse can be more subtle than just a punch in the face,” says Bilmer, who works in the Serious Crimes Unit in Chilliwack, B.C.

Read about what Bilmer says are the most common red flags of a violent relationship.

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“14 Misconceptions About Domestic Violence”

#WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft, in which survivors shared their stories of why they remained in abusive relationships and why they eventually got out. Yet misconceptions persist — that abuse is a private matter, that women who stay with abusive partners are simply weak-willed, that women are just as abusive as men. Cosmopolitan.com talked to the experts to clear up some of the most stubborn, and most dangerous, myths about intimate partner violence.

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Sexual harasser transferred to internal affairs. LAPD

“Verbal abuse was the most common form of harassment for both men and women with 13 per cent of women reporting they’d experienced abuse in the preceding year.”

This is why many hospitals and clinics have conspicuous signs reading, “Violence and abusive language will not be tolerated”.

Staff need to be trained in delivering acceptable dialog to de-escalate but also to have an emergency button to call security.

I taught psychiatric nurses defensive tactics which are usable against either verbally or physically aggressive patients. Their union had requested the training when repeated appeals for improved security were ignored by hospital management.

“Sexual harassment was most likely to affect women, with four per cent saying they had experienced unwanted sexual attention in the workplace, compared to fewer than one per cent of men.”

Many men often respond to the above statistics with, “Ya, I should be so lucky”. A junior high response to an increasing problem which women have dealt with for years.

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Voter intimidation & why it matters

Ignoring voter intimidation makes it easier for social progress to be reversed.
Canadian provincial elections have seen the approval of conservative governments with anti-abortion groups having supported a number of right wing candidates.

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Posted in Abortion rights, Women's Rights | Tagged , |

Sexual harassment at work, a teen’s perspective.

“Verbal abuse was the most common form of harassment for both men and women with 13 per cent of women reporting they’d experienced abuse in the preceding year.”

This is why many hospitals and clinics have conspicuous signs reading, “Violence and abusive language will not be tolerated”.

Staff need to be trained in delivering acceptable dialog to deescalate but also to have an emergency button to call security.

I taught psychiatric nurses defensive tactics which are usable against either verbally or physically aggressive patients. Their union had requested the training when repeated appeals for improved security were ignored by hospital management.

“Sexual harassment was most likely to affect women, with four per cent saying they had experienced unwanted sexual attention in the workplace, compared to fewer than one per cent of men.”

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Posted in Assault survivors, Sexual assault survivors, Sexual Assault/Harassment, Women's Rights, Work place safety | Tagged , , |

Sexual assailant says he will never feel remorse for his victims.

“I will never have remorse.” Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby, “America’s beloved father figure” speaks his truth and that of far too many criminals of his ilk.

“He said, “my political beliefs, my actions of trying to humanize all races, genders and religions landed me in this place surrounded by barb wire fencing, a room made of steel and iron.”
His victim(s) waited 14 years for his incarceration.
“Cosby, 81, received his sentence after being found guilty of having drugged and sexually assaulted Toronto woman Andrea Constand in 2004.” Charles Mason
“Look down at me and you see a fool; look up at me and you see a god; look straight at me and you see yourself.”

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Posted in Assault survivors, Date Rape, Domestic Abuse, Hollywood, overcoming it and finding courage, Personal Safety, Rape Culture, Sexual assault survivors | Tagged , , , , , |