Domestic Abuse. Do you know?

Those who have never experienced the trauma of physical and/or mental manipulation and violence may not be able to grasp the magnitude.

Here is a story of a woman who escapes only to find her abuser tracks her down to kill.

Viewing the film and perusing the attached link explaining domestic abuse may help readers understand and reach out to those in need.
We read a great deal about domestic violence here and of the numerous Resources available. But what is domestic violence exactly and how does a woman, unaware she is being abused, identify her situation?

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Posted in Domestic Abuse |

Paid leave for sexual and domestic assault survivors

The provincial government is considering paid work leaves for victims of sexual and domestic violence.

Parliamentary Secretary for Gender Equity Mitzi Dean says the province is considering changes to the Employment Standards Act to do so, and says public feedback is now being taken online.

She says victims of domestic and sexual assault need to rebuild their lives.

“I remember when I was an employer of about 20 professional people just a few years ago, when one of my team members came to me on a Monday morning and told me that she had been raped on the weekend. Someone had put the rape drug in her drink on the weekend. She wasn’t able to be productive at work, she needed time away,” Dean says

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Sexual assault survivors, Sexual Assault/Harassment, Survivors | Tagged , , , , |

Survivors’ Stories from Domestic Shelters

“You must feed your mind with reading material, thoughts, and ideas that open you to new possibilities.”

Oprah

“There is no life to be found in violence. Every act of violence brings us closer to death. Whether it’s the mundane violence we do to our bodies by overeating toxic food or drink or the extreme violence of child abuse, domestic warfare, life-threatening poverty, addiction, or state terrorism.”

Gloria Jean Watkins Feminist/Social Activist

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Violence prevention | Tagged , , |

STOP THE VIOLENCE

Teenage dancers perform a Travis Wall choreographed routine which highlights the tragedy of the violence we inflict upon our fellow humans daily.

“What could I do? There wasn’t anything I could do? I couldn’t stand up against him!”

Actually, you could, can and should have.

I have had several battered women seek shelter in our home and to a man, their abuser backs off when they are confronted. I have been told it is because I am male.

That might be true in some, but not all cases. It is the thought that their despicable behavior is now known to another and s/he will call the police.

Here is an incident shared by the clinic of a battered woman seeking help from the female staff. She gave them a note stating that her boyfriend was an abuser and had a gun. The couple were waiting in the examining room for the vet.

Read and view how the staff reacted.

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Posted in Fear, Uncategorized, Violence prevention |

MOM MET HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE. HE’S IN THE KITCHEN

“It starts somewhere. It starts in the home. I know what a mass shooter can look like.

First time I saw him, I was 13. The sun wasn’t even up yet and I was wearing my track uniform. I poured myself a bowl of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch, turned and there he was, sitting at the round pale-blue Formica table reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee.

He was a large man. Wavy hair and beard intertwined with strands of black and white. Blue-blue eyes. A department store Santa. He smiled at me. Introduced himself. I was late for practice. So I told him to wash his dishes before he left.”

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Posted in Assault survivors, Courage, Mental Health, Murdered women, Personal Safety, Violence prevention | Tagged , , , , |

Narcissist, Psychopath or Sociopath. Are you living with one, two, or all three? None? Learn to identify these three traits.

“A narcissist lacks empathy, is grandiose, entitled, constantly seeks validation and is arrogant. “When they do a bad thing, they feel a fair amount of guilt and shame,” says Durvsula.

According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissists can also become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment. They belittle others in order to appear superior. They exaggerate their achievements and talents. They monopolize conversations and disparage those they consider inferior.” Dr. Durvsula

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Posted in Uncategorized |

Emma Watson et al on strong women.

Assailants look for “Vics”, those of us who walk as though preoccupied. Carry yourself erect, shoulders back, head up and look at people you pass. Eye contact or lack of it tells an assailant you want to avoid confrontation and he’ll pick up on that. You don’t need to lock onto his face or stare, look, catch his eye, then look up or off to the side, not down (a passive message) is all that is necessary to get the message across that you’re aware of his presence and that you

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Posted in Uncategorized, Women's Rights | Tagged , , , |

What is domestic violence?

About Domestic Shelters

We make finding the right shelter and information about domestic violence easier. Instead of searching the Internet, it is all right here. We’ve painstakingly verified information on shelters in LA to shelters in NY, and every domestic violence program in between. If you or a friend is suffering from physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse or verbal abuse, this free service can help. Select domestic violence programs based on location, service and language needs. Find 24-hour hotlines in your area, service listings, and helpful articles on domestic violence statistics, signs and cycles of abuse, housing services, emergency services, legal and financial services, support groups for women, children and families, and more.

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Posted in Uncategorized |

How Social Stigma Silences Domestic Violence Victims

“Victims also stay in relationships with abusive partners for fear of how they will be treated by others who learn about the abuse. This fear stems from the way victims are often treated differently, both personally and professionally, after details of their victimization come to light.
Many victims of domestic abuse remain under the radar because they are ashamed that they have chosen to remain in a relationship with an abusive partner. Both culturally and socially, victims are sensitive to the judgment they fear from others, whether they are suffering physical abuse, emotional abuse or both. Reporting the perpetrator´s behavior would involve revealing embarrassing and humiliating details they would rather never discuss—especially if they have been enduring this treatment for years.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , |

Gaslighting. What is it? How to avoid being used.

Gaslighting. This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light (and later, the 1940 movie, and later remakes), in which a husband tried to drive his wife crazy by dimming the gas-powered lights in their home. When his wife points out the change in light, he denies that the light changed at all. ”
An Example of Gaslighting in a Relationship Looks Like This:
“Why are you making things up?!”
“You are so jealous!”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.”

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Posted in Gaslighting |

Living alone versus living with a guy.

Live alone for a while. Many women jump at the chance to have a roommate or worse, live with a man. These women have zero transition from living with parents to spreading their wings. To do things without thinking of anyone but themselves.

“Gravitate to those who share genuine interests with you. Volunteer with any group which matches your interest; the SPCA, Hospice, Wellness, Reading to elementary children, seniors. Every community has a need for volunteers. “

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Posted in Mental Health, Women's Rights |

Divorce. Solutions to reduce the stress of gaining your freedom.

“Try to remember that this stressful conflict is not going to last forever and that you are in the home stretch to achieving your freedom and a path to happiness, something that would not have been possible if you had chosen to stay in this toxic relationship.”

Sage advice from women who have been there, done that and thrived.

Live alone for a while. Many women jump at the chance to have a roommate or worse, live with a man. These women have zero transition from living with parents to spreading their wings. To do things without thinking of anyone but themselves.

Don’t go to bars, pubs or taverns to mingle with like minded people. A night out with friends with whom you have a vocation or avocation in common with dinner and a few drinks, but hitting bars to get drunk is a dead-end route.

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Posted in Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Women's Rights |

“To Mike from Aggie”

Thanks to DIY and Mike Holmes for the photo

These women escaped a violent relationship. “A woman reached out to Mike Holmes directly seeking help for her daughter-in-law whose home repairs began piling up after being faced with a broken marriage and having to raise two children on her own. Now, Mike is using the experience to give valuable advice about sump pump maintenance, explain how to identify asbestos and provide intimate details about his own difficult upbringing.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , |

Survivor’s story.

‘It Felt Like It Went Bad Fast’

Kate met him five years ago when she was 34. It had been six months since her divorce was finalized, ending a 15-year marriage. Kate was ready to meet someone new.

“I thought, ‘Oh, it’ll be fun to try online dating,’” she remembers.

She says he was nice at first, but red flags popped up almost immediately, things that she pushed aside, hoping she could help him through. He had just gotten out of a relationship with a woman who was a heroin addict. The woman had left him with the couple’s two young children, a 2-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. Kate says he didn’t seem all that attached to his children, or affectionate, something that struck her as troublesome.

He was angry—understandably so, she says, after what his ex did to him. But there was more than that—he seemed to have a hatred for women in general, often spewing sexist rhetoric about how women were given unfair advantages in life, how they wanted equal rights and then still needed help from men.

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Women's Rights | Tagged , |

Domestic abuse. The Drip affect.

The longer she spent with him, and particularly after they married in 2016, four years after meeting, the more his behavior became intimidating. He made comments about what she ate. He picked fights when she went out with her friends. He threw her things around their house. He berated her while out shopping. One night, she says, he even threatened to kill her. “It’s such a drip effect, each event gets a bit worse and a bit worse,” Curtis says, speaking softly from her home in Essex, southeast England. “And then someone has control over you.”

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Posted in Domestic Abuse | Tagged , |

“LGBTQ and Domestic Violence Leading facts and statistics on the LBGTQ population and domestic violence.”

The facts about LGBTQ partner abuse/domestic violence are often hidden by numerous myths and misconceptions. Common myths and misconceptions include the belief that women are not violent, that men are not commonly victims, that LGBTQ domestic violence is mutual, and that there are no significant differences between heterosexual domestic violence and same-gender domestic violence. However, people who are lesbian, gay and bisexual have an equal or higher prevalence of experiencing intimate partner violence, sexual violence and stalking as compared to heterosexuals.

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Sexual assault survivors | Tagged , |

Violent Relationships-The Red Flags. Advice from the RCMP

In 2011, 19-year-old Maple Batalia was brutally murdered in public by a jealous ex-boyfriend. Her friend Benisha Aujla says it was only in hindsight that she saw the typical warning signs of a violent relationship.

Aujla decided to share those signs with RCMP Cpl. Samara Bilmer so they could help others see them before it’s too late.

“Abuse can be more subtle than just a punch in the face,” says Bilmer, who works in the Serious Crimes Unit in Chilliwack, B.C.

Read about what Bilmer says are the most common red flags of a violent relationship.

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Posted in Domestic Abuse, Women's Rights | Tagged , , |

“14 Misconceptions About Domestic Violence”

#WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft, in which survivors shared their stories of why they remained in abusive relationships and why they eventually got out. Yet misconceptions persist — that abuse is a private matter, that women who stay with abusive partners are simply weak-willed, that women are just as abusive as men. Cosmopolitan.com talked to the experts to clear up some of the most stubborn, and most dangerous, myths about intimate partner violence.

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , |

Sexual harasser transferred to internal affairs. LAPD

“Verbal abuse was the most common form of harassment for both men and women with 13 per cent of women reporting they’d experienced abuse in the preceding year.”

This is why many hospitals and clinics have conspicuous signs reading, “Violence and abusive language will not be tolerated”.

Staff need to be trained in delivering acceptable dialog to de-escalate but also to have an emergency button to call security.

I taught psychiatric nurses defensive tactics which are usable against either verbally or physically aggressive patients. Their union had requested the training when repeated appeals for improved security were ignored by hospital management.

“Sexual harassment was most likely to affect women, with four per cent saying they had experienced unwanted sexual attention in the workplace, compared to fewer than one per cent of men.”

Many men often respond to the above statistics with, “Ya, I should be so lucky”. A junior high response to an increasing problem which women have dealt with for years.

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , |

Voter intimidation & why it matters

Ignoring voter intimidation makes it easier for social progress to be reversed.
Canadian provincial elections have seen the approval of conservative governments with anti-abortion groups having supported a number of right wing candidates.

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Posted in Abortion rights, Women's Rights | Tagged , |

Sexual harassment at work, a teen’s perspective.

“Verbal abuse was the most common form of harassment for both men and women with 13 per cent of women reporting they’d experienced abuse in the preceding year.”

This is why many hospitals and clinics have conspicuous signs reading, “Violence and abusive language will not be tolerated”.

Staff need to be trained in delivering acceptable dialog to deescalate but also to have an emergency button to call security.

I taught psychiatric nurses defensive tactics which are usable against either verbally or physically aggressive patients. Their union had requested the training when repeated appeals for improved security were ignored by hospital management.

“Sexual harassment was most likely to affect women, with four per cent saying they had experienced unwanted sexual attention in the workplace, compared to fewer than one per cent of men.”

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Posted in Assault survivors, Sexual assault survivors, Sexual Assault/Harassment, Women's Rights, Work place safety | Tagged , , |

Sexual assailant says he will never feel remorse for his victims.

“I will never have remorse.” Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby, “America’s beloved father figure” speaks his truth and that of far too many criminals of his ilk.

“He said, “my political beliefs, my actions of trying to humanize all races, genders and religions landed me in this place surrounded by barb wire fencing, a room made of steel and iron.”
His victim(s) waited 14 years for his incarceration.
“Cosby, 81, received his sentence after being found guilty of having drugged and sexually assaulted Toronto woman Andrea Constand in 2004.” Charles Mason
“Look down at me and you see a fool; look up at me and you see a god; look straight at me and you see yourself.”

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Posted in Assault survivors, Date Rape, Domestic Abuse, Hollywood, overcoming it and finding courage, Personal Safety, Rape Culture, Sexual assault survivors | Tagged , , , , , |