Domestic Abuse & preventing the darkness that consumes survivors.

“How do we perceive strength? How do we perceive weakness? And what are they both, actually?” Maria Shriver

Strength is the ability to stand for your beliefs and moral code, regardless.

The compromising often starts at the first meeting or date and once you descend to that darkness, it becomes harder and harder to extricate yourself.

“Each year, 13,000 British Columbians ask police for help because a partner or spouse is physically or emotionally abusing them. Each year, more than 30,000 women and children are referred for counselling and outreach programs because of domestic violence. Another 18,000 women and children seek shelter at transition houses and safe houses.”

Violence perpetrated by partners

“A new program is helping fight sexual harassment at bars — by training bartenders to detect signs of unwanted interactions, and intervene to protect the target.”

Bartenders learn to identify sexual assailants

If you usually attend bars and pubs to meet members of the opposite sex, you may be missing out on the vital opportunity to engage in these quesitons.

14-deep questions early relationship

1. DO YOU WANT KIDS?
Yes, it needs to be asked early. Whether you want kids or not, this is a deal-breaker for many couples. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t want what you want, because they’re not likely to change their mind. Find out now so you don’t have the kid argument later.

2. DO YOU WANT A FUTURE TOGETHER?
Nothing pisses me off more than wasting time dating someone, only to find out they never wanted anything more than a casual relationship. Being together for a year or two doesn’t mean the person you’re with wants a future together, so it’s worth clarifying.

3. WHAT THINGS WON’T YOU COMPROMISE ON?
Some people have ridiculous standards and refuse to compromise. For instance, what if your partner would dump you if you gained 20 pounds? Maybe they’re only willing to do five sex positions or hate oral. Whatever it is, learn their limits now and see if those are deal-breakers for you.

4. WILL YOUR PARENTS AND FRIENDS BE A PROBLEM?
Usually this isn’t a question you think about until a parent or friend starts causing problems. Shouldn’t you know whether the person you’re dating would stand up for you? If their mom or best friend hates you, would they stay with you or leave?

5. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP PRIORITIES?
I shouldn’t have to spell it out, but if you’re not one of those priorities, don’t even waste your time. You, family, friends, a career, a dream — those are all great priorities. Most importantly, see if their priorities line up with yours.

6. WHAT ARE YOUR VIEWS ON WOMEN?
Dating you doesn’t mean a guy respects women. He could just want a regular booty call. If he doesn’t see you as equal or thinks barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen is your role, find out early so you can dump him if his views are more 1800s than 2000s.

7. HOW IMPORTANT IS SEX TO YOU?
Differences in sex drive or sexual preferences can tear a relationship apart. It’s not a comfortable question to ask, but it’s necessary. Ask them how important it is, how often they have to have it and what things they definitely would never do.

8. WHAT ARE YOUR RELIGIOUS AND POLITICAL VIEWS?
Ask these relationship questions as early as the second date. If you can’t agree on religion and politics, the relationship is probably doomed anyway. Anyone who’s too passionate about either isn’t going to just agree to disagree.

9. DO INDEPENDENT WOMEN SCARE YOU?
Sometimes it’s hard to see how independent you are until you’ve been together with someone for a few months. Find out now if your independent nature could scare your partner off. It kind of goes hand in hand with respecting women.

Why some men can’t appreciate strong women

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM YOUR OWN LIFE?
Do you really want to date a man-child? No. You’re a grown-ass woman who has better things to do than raise the guy you’re dating. Ask about their goals and dreams and how they plan to achieve those goals. It’s a good way to see if the person is a hot mess or actually has their life together.

11. WHAT ARE YOUR DEAL-BREAKERS?
Something as simple as being a Democrat over Republican could be a dealbreaker. Ask this question right now, even on a first date. What if you love meat, but your date is a vegan? Ordering steak in front of them could be the ultimate deal breaker.

Dr. Phil McGraw says deal breakers must be, drugs, alcoholism or violence.

Here are what some of his Facebook Friends say: Dr. Phil’s FB Friends’ deal breakers

12. HOW DO YOU HANDLE FIGHTS?
Would your partner throw things, yell or cool off and then talk about it? Everyone’s fighting style is different. Make sure their’s is something you can handle. You definitely don’t want someone who’ll run over the first major fight.

13. WHAT ARE YOUR PREJUDICES?
It’s another question you’d probably rather die than ask, especially early on. Still, wouldn’t you like to know if you’re dating an a**hole that hates specific genders, races or nationalities?

14. HOW IS YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION?
No one really wants to ask or be asked this question. It’s also the only question you can wait on, at least a little while. The moment things start to get serious, it’s time to ask. After all, if you’re looking at a future together, you need to know if you’re both financially able to support each other and buy things like a house.

About lazeejjs

Jonathan McCormick holds a Black Belt in Combat Martial Arts. He is a U.S Marine (Inactive), trained with famed CIA operative Rex Applegate and Ultimate Fighter Champion Royce Gracie and was the director of the Institute of Defense Tactics. He is a former member of the American Society of Law Enforcement Trainers and worked with members of various law enforcement agencies in the areas of suspect control and officer safety. He has written for law enforcement magazines BlueLine (www.blueline.ca) and Twenty-Four-Seven and has been a guest writer for the Vancouver Province. “Wyoming Secrets”, “30,000 Secrets”, “Santa Barbara Secrets” and The “J” Team Series are inspirational novels which focus on women who feel overwhelmed by the threat of violence in their lives. View the Series
This entry was posted in Domestic Abuse, Sexual Assault/Harassment, Women's Rights and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.



Please note: The Email and Website are not required for posting a comment.

3 Responses to Domestic Abuse & preventing the darkness that consumes survivors.

  1. I find the comments on Dr. Phil’s FB page very revealing but wonder why, if these are prevalent, so many women continue to be assaulted.

    Police continue to tell women not to walk alone at night, do not jog with ear buds at any hour and ask for a security escort going to your vehicle in a dark mall parking lot.

    And yet, women ignore these warnings.

    Why?

  2. As the possible recipient of these questions some day, I find them bothersome because it has made me face my view of myself, which I hadn’t done for many years. I thought I knew #10 until I mused about it last Monday when I read this post, now I am not sure. I have been a cop for so long and before that in the military, I don’t know if I could be a good partner. Thanks for the soul searching.

  3. Gloria Steinem says it well.

    http://video.genfb.com/998303156967226

    We will remain strong and resourceful only when we maintain our gains and work together to move forward in such crucial issues as dissolving rape culture and gaining pay equity.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.