Category Archives: Domestic Abuse

Family turns on you, supporting abuser. How to survive.

“When you’re in love with someone, you will write off just about any red flag because it doesn’t seem possible that someone you love so much could want to hurt you. It’s not conceivable. I was really naïve. I was 22 when I met him.

I’ve been in two emotionally abusive relationships since then [her divorce] and I was just as slow on the uptake on the emotional abuse as I was the physical abuse. Anyone can be vulnerable at any stage in your life even if you’ve had a lot of experience. I know many abuse victims who refuse to get into relationships again. It’s a high price to pay but I understand it. They know when they’re in love they become so blind they can’t see the warning signs.”

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“After you left, how was your life different?”

These women share their stories. Please share your experience at the bottom of the post so others know of the progress that can be made through their journey.

“Sorry!” “Sorry!” “Sorry!” Women, enough. Stop saying, “Sorry!” https://www.jonathanmccormick.com/sorry-sorry-sorry-women-enough-stop-saying-sorry/ “But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.”

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Survivors’ Podcasts. Listen!

Below, 10 podcasts that survivors may find helpful, intriguing or empowering. Of course, with all survivor-related narratives, make sure to practice self-care before and during listening, and prepare for possible triggers that may be emotionally challenging. It may help to speak with someone at a domestic violence hotline about how you’re feeling after you listen.

“Years worth of evidence suggests perpetrators of domestic violence exhibit patterns that make it possible to predict when someone is in harm’s way. Being aware of warning signs, experts said, could help prevent tragedies such as the one that unfolded in Ajax, Ont., earlier this week.”

“… community members rather than justice or violence-prevention workers are often best positioned to take meaningful, potentially life-saving action.”

Do not be apprehensive to speak with police, thinking they will consider you an interloper. They will not. They would rather be proactive, investigate and find everyone safe than be reactive and find injuries or death.

https://www.jonathanmccormick.com/3576-2/

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Warning other women. Would you?

The problem is always whether she will believe you. We have all heard comments by the “Other Woman” putting down the former female saying he is such a wonderful guy, it had to be all her fault.

After escaping abuse, many survivors may find themselves questioning what obligation they have, if any, to warn potential future partners of the ex they just left. Survivors may feel guilty if they never reported or pressed charges for the abuse, for not leaving a trail of red flag breadcrumbs for new partners to see.

“As much as I would like to be able to warn other women, many abusers are gaslighters. They invalidate anything we might say by telling new girlfriends that their ex is a crazed stalker,” says survivor Amy*, who shared the heartbreaking story with us in April of giving up her son in order to keep him safe from an abuser. “

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Domestic Abuse. Why stay?

“The first time Carie Charlesworth’s husband abused her was six years and four children into their marriage. It was 2006, Carie’s birthday. The California mom had gone to a concert with her sister to celebrate and, on her way home, texted her husband Martin to let him know she was stuck in traffic. By the time she stopped by her parents’ house to pick up the couple’s 1-year-old daughters, it was almost 1 a.m.

“When I got home, all my clothes were on the front lawn,” says Carie. Her husband would tell her later that he knew she was lying. She hadn’t been at the concert or stuck in traffic. She had been talking to other men, probably with the intent of cheating on him. It’s something he had accused her of many times before, even though she says she never gave him any reason to think she was unfaithful.

That night, his anger boiled over. Before she could even get out of the car, Martin was by her window. He grabbed her keys so she couldn’t drive away before he started striking her repeatedly in the face while she sat in the car. Their daughters were sleeping in the backseat. One of his blows left a deep gash near Carie’s eye and it was only when Martin saw blood pouring down his wife’s face did he finally snap out of his rage.”

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Housing for survivors. Steven Tyler Aerosmith

“The famous musician donated half a million dollars from his charity Janie’s Fund to help the center open its doors.
With the $500,000 that Tyler, 70, donated, the Youth Villages organization was able to renovate a Memphis-area home for the cause. Youth Villages is a national foundation that assists children and helps them cope with mental, behavioral, and emotional problems.”

What is Domestic Violence?

We make finding the right shelter and information about domestic violence easier. Instead of searching the Internet, it is all right here. We’ve painstakingly verified information on shelters in LA to shelters in NY, and every domestic violence program in between. If you or a friend is suffering from physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse or verbal abuse, this free service can help. Select domestic violence programs based on location, service and language needs. Find 24-hour hotlines in your area, service listings, and helpful articles on domestic violence statistics, signs and cycles of abuse, housing services, emergency services, legal and financial services, support groups for women, children and families, and more.
https://www.jonathanmccormick.com/what-is-domestic-violence/

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Domestic Abuse. Do you know?

Those who have never experienced the trauma of physical and/or mental manipulation and violence may not be able to grasp the magnitude.

Here is a story of a woman who escapes only to find her abuser tracks her down to kill.

Viewing the film and perusing the attached link explaining domestic abuse may help readers understand and reach out to those in need.
We read a great deal about domestic violence here and of the numerous Resources available. But what is domestic violence exactly and how does a woman, unaware she is being abused, identify her situation?

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Paid leave for sexual and domestic assault survivors

The provincial government is considering paid work leaves for victims of sexual and domestic violence.

Parliamentary Secretary for Gender Equity Mitzi Dean says the province is considering changes to the Employment Standards Act to do so, and says public feedback is now being taken online.

She says victims of domestic and sexual assault need to rebuild their lives.

“I remember when I was an employer of about 20 professional people just a few years ago, when one of my team members came to me on a Monday morning and told me that she had been raped on the weekend. Someone had put the rape drug in her drink on the weekend. She wasn’t able to be productive at work, she needed time away,” Dean says

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Survivors’ Stories from Domestic Shelters

“You must feed your mind with reading material, thoughts, and ideas that open you to new possibilities.”

Oprah

“There is no life to be found in violence. Every act of violence brings us closer to death. Whether it’s the mundane violence we do to our bodies by overeating toxic food or drink or the extreme violence of child abuse, domestic warfare, life-threatening poverty, addiction, or state terrorism.”

Gloria Jean Watkins Feminist/Social Activist

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How Social Stigma Silences Domestic Violence Victims

“Victims also stay in relationships with abusive partners for fear of how they will be treated by others who learn about the abuse. This fear stems from the way victims are often treated differently, both personally and professionally, after details of their victimization come to light.
Many victims of domestic abuse remain under the radar because they are ashamed that they have chosen to remain in a relationship with an abusive partner. Both culturally and socially, victims are sensitive to the judgment they fear from others, whether they are suffering physical abuse, emotional abuse or both. Reporting the perpetrator´s behavior would involve revealing embarrassing and humiliating details they would rather never discuss—especially if they have been enduring this treatment for years.”

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